Foster carers play a pivotal role in supporting children's emotional development. Especially when our looked after children may have experienced trauma, neglect/ inconsistent caregiving.
What is Object Constancy?
Object constancy is a developmental milestone in emotional and cognitive growth. It refers to a person's ability to keep a connection with someone, even when they're not present or if there's conflict between you. This is typically a caregiver. In simpler terms, it's the capacity to believe someone still loves and cares for you, even if they're far away, busy or upset.
This capacity usually forms in early childhood, especially in stable environments
Children learn through repeated, consistent experiences with caregivers that they won't disappear. It's part of what helps children build trust and build healthy relationships later in life.
Why object constancy matters in Foster Care
Children in foster care may not have had the chance to develop object constancy. If they have experienced repeated separations, broken attachments or unpredictable caregiving, they may struggle believing in stable relationships.
Object constancy can show in several ways, including:
- Clinginess or separation anxiety. The child may become anxious when you leave the room or go out, fearing you won’t return.
- Push-pull behaviour. They may idealize you one moment and reject you the next, struggling to hold onto a consistent image of you.
- Testing boundaries. A child might “test” whether you’ll still care for them if they misbehave. This is a way of them "checking" the reliability of your attachment.
Understanding object constancy helps show children's behaviours aren't personal or manipulative, they are fearful and uncertain. As a foster carer, your role is to help rebuild that broken sense of trust.
How foster carers can help build object constancy
- Be consistent and predictable. Small routines, like bedtime rituals or always saying goodbye when you leave, build a sense of reliability.
- Stay emotionally available. When a child is angry or withdrawn, staying calm and present shows that your care doesn’t vanish in conflict.
- Use reassuring language. Simple phrases like, “I’ll be back after work,” or “I care about you even when you’re upset,” reinforce constancy.
- Repair ruptures. If there has been a argument, take the initiative to reconnect and reassure. This models resilience and trustworthiness.
Developing object constancy takes time
Especially for children who feel the world isn't safe or dependable. As a foster carer, your steady presence and emotional reliability will help a child learn that love doesn't disappear. This builds foundations for not only your relationship with them, but their future bonds too.
You may not see the results immediately, but every consistent act of care builds the stability children need to heal and thrive.
Learn more from the Clinical Leads team
We support all foster carers, looked after children and birth children. Essex County Council's expert team of clinical leads and mental health co-ordinators share advice and resources online too.